I was in a garden with walls and high gates. I was happy there, for I knew nothing more. But the Lord came and dismantled the gates and tore down the walls. He said to me, “Roam where you want. Do whatever you please. Anything you want, is yours.”
At first I was overwhelmed. Where do I go? What do I do?
I began to explore and I found great food and joyful parties. I found large kingdoms and all the riches of the world.
I went deeper in and I found miracles, signs, and wonders. I saw worshippers of the Lord and people manifesting all His greatness. And I saw all that I could be, in all God’s glory.
Then I turned around and I saw my God. And all else became like dust and ash to me. It was lifeless and dull, and had a draw no longer. So, I ran to my God, my love, and I stayed with him. I communed with him. I laughed with Him. And I loved him. And He was well pleased, for I had chosen Him, and Him alone, in all my freedom.
-Tara
None of us, not one, has a full and complete understanding of who God is. We may know pieces, and some of us know more pieces than others, but not one of us knows Him completely…yet. So, if the Lord were to keep himself from us until we understood him in his fullness, than none of us would have relationship with God. So, the Lord meets us where we are and begins to reveal pieces of Himself, his love. If and when we respond to that love, then He reveals more of himself to us.
You see, we love because He first loved us. He loves, we respond.
3 years ago, the Lord ventured to take me further into him. It was a whole new step. My dad gave us a book called, “A New Kind of Christian.” I never read it, but DH did. DH began sharing with me the things it was saying. I don’t even remember what it said, but I remember it made me angry. I was livid! I thought, “How can they say things like that!? They are so wrong!”
Yet, the arguments were pretty strong. Strong enough to make me wonder.
Never before in my life had I questioned my religion. But I found myself doing just that. I was so upset that I would even consider it. The more I heard, however, the more I considered it. Not necessarily considering what the book was saying to be true, but really just taking a hard look at my faith.
I realized that my faith was one of my defining features. It was part of who I was. I was a Christian. I stood by Christianity and believed it my whole life. I believed in God, that was not in question. He had proven himself to me too many times for me not to. With all this going through my mind, confusion took over.
I can remember this exact moment. I was standing in the kitchen, doing dishes, and I felt like the world was spinning around me. I could see all my beliefs flying around my head. I didn’t know which ones to grab onto. I probably would have fainted soon, but something happened. I distinctly felt the Lord grab my face. He looked me right in the eye and said, “Hey! It’s about you and me, and that’s it.” Then it was as if someone hit the gravity switch, and all the things around me fell to the ground.
That was the beginning of my religious stripping.
Then the Lord gave me a vision. As I prayed, the Lord came on me and said, "What everyone needs is me. I AM. I AM the want in everyone’s soul. I am the very thing you’re always looking for. When you want chocolate, you’re really wanting me. When you breath, you’re really needing me. When you are hungry, you’re really wanting me. Your body was designed for me, and everything you do is a result of searching for me. So the answer to what anyone needs is me, because I AM everything you need.” As He spoke, He filled me so completely with his presence, that I received the full sensation of what He was talking about. I was high off of it for weeks. Like Moses coming down from the mountain, except I wasn’t glowing.
After that, I went to church and the pastors words were like dust and ash compared to the words of the Lord. Why would I listen to them when I could hear it straight from the source? The Lord showed me He wanted me to stop going to church. As much as this felt contradictory to what I had always believed about God, I was thinking differently now, so I stopped going.
Over the next 3 years, the Lord took me on a journey of showing me more and more about Himself. Books, dreams, circumstances, anything. The spirit was a constant interpreter. He showed me more and more of His love. I began to see how blind I was.
One day I was asking the Lord to tell me more about Himself and He said, “I AM. I am just me. I cannot describe myself with words, any more than someone could describe you. Someone could write a whole book about you, but unless they spent time with you, they would never really know you. They would just know about you. It is the same with me. You can read all about me, hear all about me, but until you spend time with me, you will never know me. Therefore, I AM. Therefore, take away all my labels, and I am taking away all of yours. Let’s just know each other.”
Another time, He expanded on this. He said, “I am taking you to a place where you will listen to me, and me alone. You will no longer compare what I tell you with any religion, idea, cause, or box. Take me out of all your boxes. Let it all go. You are no longer a Christian. When you label yourself in any religion, you place me in a box. When I act outside of that box, you reject that part of me, and refuse to walk in it. I am bigger than any box you can conceive.”
Since then, I haven’t been a “Christian.”
As far as “universalism,” since that would be the red flag going up in most religions at this point. I’m not clear on it. I don’t have to be, because my opinion won’t change it anyway. I honestly don’t even think about it much.
What I have seen, now that I’m not blinded with fear by other people’s beliefs, is that God is working in Christianity, Mormonism, Catholics, Atheists, Muslims, The Emerging Church, Universalists, etc... Wherever there is love, the Lord is there. The enemy is incapable of love. I can see different pieces of Him in those different places. They are the pieces their box has allowed in.
Where He decides to take people from there, or how He decides to judge them, is out of my understanding right now.
However, I do believe that if we continue to respond to God, He will continue to reveal more and more of himself to us, as this is His desire. He wants to love us and have us receive His love. As He reveals more of Himself to us, we will naturally come into alignment with him. It’s about the journey, not the destination. It’s about a relationship, not a belief system. I am no longer anxious about it. I will follow wherever He leads. Because ultimately, “It’s about me and Him, and that’s it.”
When I look at people in other religions, I am not angry, but gracious. I am gracious because I can let go of the theology, and see their heart towards the Lord. I am not threatened by their religion because I am not afraid it will corrupt me, or even them. I believe the Lord is bigger than our religion. I believe each religion has pieces of God in it. I believe that if a person is seeking God, he will find God. I believe that if they keep their mind and heart open to Him, God will show them the way into His heart.
When I look at Christianity, I am threatened by it. It battles with me. It is too close to home. It still pulls me in and tricks me. It threatens me, so I rebel against it. I am timid in it’s presence and intimidated by those that run it. When a powerful church leader that has taught me so much about God, doesn’t agree with what the Lord is telling me, I doubt my ability to hear the Lord. I doubt what I have heard. I think maybe the Lord only meant it for me, or for a single season in my life. I just assume I am wrong, instead of listening to the voice of God. I don’t just hand them over to the Lord, like I do people in other religions, I try to convert them to my thinking, as this will appease my mind and illiminate the turmoil. Yet, that just makes me another religion. That’s what religion does, it tries to convert others to its singular way of thinking and is threatened by anything else. It is threatened by any other manifestation of God that it cannot comprehend. Lord, strip me of my religious spirit and make me a confident follower of you, and you alone.
It is time to grow up in the Lord. I am no longer a baby with a baby bottle. I am an adult and need to get out from under the wing of my parents (church authorities and leaders). I need to be subject to God and God alone. I hear His voice for myself and He is the ultimate authority over all. If someone disagrees with him, they are wrong. Period. End of discussion.
-Tara
As many of you know, our family has been on an amazing journey. I wanted to take this time to update everyone on what is going on. I am finally at a place where I feel like I can bring you up to speed. Before now, I didn’t have enough of an understanding to do so. Believe it or not, this is the short version:
When we first got here, we were expecting something big to happen. We knew that acting in obedience to the Lord would break something open for us, but what that was, we had no clue. We just knew God was good and had a plan. After arriving, we were a bit discouraged. There was no great “thing” that happened. We had felt a sense of urgency, yet we got here and there was nothing to do. We went by the church, eager to meet people, and met only the receptionist and her husband. There was no great connection there, although they were very nice, but not the connection we were hoping for. The soonest chance we would have to “plug in” would be Saturday, when there would be a brunch for the women in the church. This was Tuesday. The church was open for prayer in the evenings, however, if we wanted to go there. We showed up to this open prayer time, hoping to meet someone that would say, “Wow! The Lord has been telling me about you. This is what he says to do next.” When we got there, no one else was there. So, we prayed and the Lord showed us a picture of wheat blowing dry in the wind and a title wave rising up behind it. He said we were like this wheat, feeling dried out and in want, and we have no idea God has been preparing a title wave to wash over us. Then he said, “Just wait for it.”
Wait? Not the answer we were hoping for. What were we going to do now? We didn’t know anything outside of “move,” so we didn’t want to look for a house or place to rent, because we knew the Lord had a plan. So, we were stuck in the waiting. Dan couldn’t even start working because of some technical difficulties with his transfer.
It was so frustrating! We were so eager to connect and there was no one to be found! We were so eager to move forward, and there was no direction to go. We were just sitting in this big fat void!
So, we went exploring and got to know the area. One of the days we went up and visited my mom about two hours north of where we are.
On Saturday I went to the woman’s meeting and I could feel something starting to spark in my mind, but I wasn’t quite sure what it was. I did, however, start to feel my confidence and strength replacing my timidity.
Sunday was the day that things really started to happen. We went to church, again hoping to have some miraculous breakthrough and word form the Lord. We were hoping to meet some people that would immediately take us under their wing and minister to us. We met up with the people that had prophesied over us last month, and figured out where everyone would be going to lunch. We went to lunch and introduced ourselves to a bunch of people. One of the guys came over to pray for us. “The Lord sent me over here to pray for you, “ he said.
“Great! I thought. This is where the Lord reveals his plan!”
When he prayed he said, “I pray for a sense of home.”
We felt an incredible peace and the presence of the Spirit. But, still no direction.
We decided that there wasn’t a magical person waiting for us that was going to say, “I have a place for you to stay.” Or, “The Lord says…”
So, we set out looking for furnished places to rent. That didn’t last long as there weren’t any. I guess it’s too far from a big city for there to be a demand for something like that.
Sunday night we went to a special healing service. This is where they lay hands on the sick and heal them. While we were there praying for people, one of the guys comes up to us and says, “Where is your youngest daughter? I want to see her.” We went and got her and he said, “The Lord showed me that you are a healer and a prophet. Sometimes he shows me things like that about children. I am going to pray that you receive that gifting now, and, if you feel like it, you can lay hands on this girl with me.” He prayed and they laid hands on the girl, and she was healed. It was great! (The girl had a broken knuckle, if you were curious.)
When we left there, The Lord started talking to Danny. As we were driving, Danny suddenly turned. He didn’t say anything, but I could tell he was hearing from the Lord, because he gets a distinct look. He slowed down and made another turn. Then, we pulled up to an adorable yellow house with a “for rent” sign in front of it. Danny said, “The Lord told me to turn here and pay attention.” We jotted down the number and vowed to call the next day.
The next day we called the number, but there was no answer, so we went to drive by the house. The owner happened to be out front and we had a great conversation with him. He showed us the house and it was perfect. Very simple, perfect location. We filled out an application and hoped for the best.
That night I panicked. “Why would you have us sell everything we own just to have us buy it all again? I don’t want to just start over in a new place. Are we doing the right thing? Did we really hear from you? Etc…” Well, the Lord met me.
He expanded on the vision he gave me way back in December. I had been working from a very small window of this vision, but knowing the Lord would reveal more when it was time. He had shown me that we would be going from place to place visiting people and preparing the way for him. But, in the vision, I knew the people. They were great friends. This had always confused me because I don’t know people all over the world. Yet, I knew the Lord would work it all out. He showed me that at first the visiting would be a longer term, like two years at a time. It would be a “living there.” Then, we would go back and visit the places we had been. He showed me that he already has done that with a few other places in our lives. We will have “bride pods” all over the world. So, right now, we will be living here, establishing relationships. He said that he had us sell everything, because it doesn’t matter. The “stuff” holds you back from being flexible. He said that every time we leave a place, he wants us to sell everything we have and go, then get new things there.
On Wednesday I went to the woman’s group and there were two women that spoke words from the Lord over me. One was a great prophetic word that affirmed everything the Lord has been telling us, along with saying that she believed we were here for equipping and training. That was a huge blessing!
The other conversation was with a woman sitting at my table. She told me some great things. She asked me if I’d found a place to live yet. I said we were still looking. She said, “There’s a house down the street from me that just went up for rent. I’ve been praying over it that Godly people would move in. I live in downtown.”
I looked at her and said, “Is it a yellow house?”
She said, “YES!”
I said, “We just put in an application for that house!”
Today, we sign a lease for that yellow house! The funny thing is, he tried to offer it to two other people before us and for some reason or another, they fell through. It’s amazing what the Lord is doing.
There are pages more that I could tell you. This really is the short version. It is just this incredible weaving of the Lord’s will that astonishes me. It’s the amazing fact that God is real! He really does have a plan. And he really will be there to see it through!
Until next time,
Tara
When you know who you are, then you know how you are supposed to live.
This being said, He has revealed who we are and what our role in the kingdom is. A good overview of this comes in Luke 10. Luke 10 is the verse we just received via prophecy this past weekend. Here is a piece of that verse:
After this the Lord appointed seventy-two others and sent them two by two ahead of him to every town and place where he was about to go. He told them, "The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field. Go! I am sending you out like lambs among wolves. Do not take a purse or bag or sandals; and do not greet anyone on the road..."
It was really a good overview of everything the Lord has been telling us. The prophecy also stressed moving immediately. Unsure of where that might be, we went home in anticipation of the Lord showing up and revealing His plan to us. This was Sunday. On Wednesday, the plan started to unfold. By Thursday morning, it was in motion.
What's the plan? Well, as far as we can see, we will be moving up to Vacaville, Ca, and immersing ourselves in the kingdom culture there via the Mission fellowship. All the doors have been swung wide open for this. My husband's company even had an opening in Sacramento and were happy to give it to him. I'm not sure what the Father's plan is, and whenever I try to figure it out, I get stressed and overwhelmed. So all I can say is, I trust him. I do not know the full extent of His plan. But I know it's Him, so I know it's good.
As of right now, our time frame is about 2 months before we leave, but we are open to whatever the Lord has planned. He is good and His timing is perfect. As always, updates will follow.
Until then,
Tara
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