Shamelessness

I am beginning to realize that freedom is shamelessness, an absence of pride. Being able to fully express myself, with no regard to outside opinion. Living in the total acceptance of my God, my love.

Desert Time

The Lord has brought me into the desert and it is a dry and lonely place. Thankfully, He told me he was bringing me into the desert, otherwise I might be more discouraged than I currently am. Knowing there is purpose in it gives me hope at least. I was reading Hosea 2, and seeing many parallels in it for me in my life and just knowing the Lord will restore me and speak sweetly to me. Right now he is stripping me of my false gods which have for so long given me identity and purpose. He is stripping me of the pride I have placed around my heart that blocks out his love and prevents me from being fully beloved. God is showing me that the only thing that can prevent him from entering fully into my heart, is my unwillingness to let him in. That cannot be forced. That cannot be taken. It has to be given. Right now, he is shining light on those protectors I have placed around my heart, and it hurts. It hurts to know that I have blocked out my love. It hurts to know that I have been wrong. It hurts to be humbled, but I want it. I want all of it. "Crush me Lord into a fine powder, and rebuild me again from the fires of love!"    

Grace

Two nights ago, I was exposed. I was like a volcano that had exploded. My top blown off and all my ugliness sprawled all over, completely unsheltered. As I walked around this mess, I knew there was no excuse to be made for it, no way to explain it away. There was no way to put it all back together. No way to hide it. There it all was, completely defenseless. Most of it had gone unrecognized by myself, unknown, until that night. I looked at it and was disgusted, ashamed. I wept bitterly, knowing it was all true, knowing I had not the power to change any of it. I couldn't even imagine it away. I knew there was meaning in this. I knew that I needed to see it. I knew that I was hideous and unlovable. I knew that in this state, I could not even ask for love. I didn't want to ask for it, because I had nothing to offer in return. I could promise nothing. I could not say that I would get better; that I would please in any way. All I could say was, " I am ugly." 

Then the Lord did something amazing, He looked straight at my ugliness, not denying it, and loved me anyway. He held me and loved me entirely in his own power and capacity to love, receiving nothing from me, and I was undeservedly safe. Completely accepted because of who God is, not because of who I am. It is unfathomable.

I have never understood grace like this before. Never know it to this capacity before. The Lord loved me in my shame, so I can do nothing to part from his love, nothing to un-deserve it, because I didn't deserve it to begin with.  In this, how can I not trust the Lord with my entire life, my entire being? He loves me more than I love myself. Even I was not willing to love such an ugly person, yet his love alone has made me beautiful. Therefore, the Lord may have my life to the fullest, for he has proven himself trustworthy.

-Tara  

Call to Arms

There is an interesting phenomenon going on with our economy. We are in a global recession. We all know this. We hear it on the news, know many that are being laid off, or have experienced it personally. There is something hidden though, that the enemy doesn't want us to see.  You see, the Kingdom of God is not bankrupt. It has unlimited resources. The Lord has it all. However, hell does not. Hell has to use what it is given. So, when the world is in a recession, so is the enemy. He is losing resources to do his work. Yet we still have access to resources. Therefore, we are given an extreme advantage. On that note, I have a challenge for you. I challenge you to look into your life and see where the enemy is using resources to do his work, then take those funds away from him and use them for the Kingdom. Bless those around you. Hire people. Hire a gardener, a housekeeper, a personal trainer. Get your hair done, or your nails. Hire a friend that is struggling as a handyman, painter, or dog walker. Get creative! Remember, when you hire people, you help to feed their families. It blesses them.  

One of the ways my husband and I are doing this, with cooperation from my mom (as we all live together), is turning off the Direct TV. The TV is a relationship breaker, distracting us so that we avoid conversations with each other and God. This is a tool of the enemy in our house. A subtle one, but one none the less. Yesterday, we hired a landscaper who had recently been laid off, to do some random work for us. He was so grateful and urged us to hire him as our weekly gardener. (Up until this point, we have done our own gardening.) He also showed us all the different things he could do to the house, wanting to use it as a showcase to gain business in our area for his landscaping. We don't need this stuff done, but that is besides the point. He needs the money. He has a family to support. By paying him to do these things, we are putting money and resources into the work of the Kingdom. I believe the Lord has challenged us to employ as many people as we can. Right now it might be a gardener and some great women in Africa, but I believe as we employ people, the Lord will provide more funds to employ more people. What a great way to fight the enemy! 

So this is a call to arms! Look around you! What can you do? We are the army of the Lord and this is our opportunity to fight! 

Jesus says in Luke 6:38 - "Give and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured in your lap."

Until next time...

Tara

Back Home

Quick note: my last post had a missing link to go to chapter one of my book. I have now added the link, so you can click on it. If you are receiving this via e-mail, you will have to go onto my site to view the updated version...I think. 

Anyhow, we are back in California! We left Sunday afternoon and arrived late Monday night. I think it was 12:30AM. It was an exciting road trip as we had to go through a blizzard. It started snowing pretty bad in Flagstaff and didn't stop until we were out of Kingman! The Lord led us through, however, with a little help here and there, like a snow plow entering the freeway right in front of us. We followed that thing a good 30 miles. So, we are back and resting up, looking forward to some healthy greens.

My Book

I had it pointed out to me by a friend that I haven't added to my book. I just kind of built up the suspense and then stopped. Well, this prompted me to go back over it, and it has inspired me to add to it! The reason I stopped was I entered a time of digestion. The Lord started working and changing me, and I didn't know how to articulate it. However, now I can, so I will write more and post it. If you haven't read the first six chapters, click here to go to chapter one at the bottom of the page. Then, just click "newer posts" to read further on. There are six chapters total. Enjoy the drama! 

Road Trip

For the last 5 days, my mom, my kids, and I have been on a road trip. Thus far, we have been in Phoenix, and our next destination is Denver. The weather has been beautiful and clear, hovering in the 70s, with a fresh cool breeze, much to our delight. My mom has been working at a quilt show at the Phoenix fair grounds (hence the reason for the road trip), as she will be doing in Denver, having officially become a Carny. So, while she has been doing that, the kids and I have been having fun! We spent a whole day at the Arizona Science Center. Literally, five and a half hours. It was really great with all sorts of hands on things for the kids to do. Even my four year old was entertained the entire time. We learned all sorts of things, while we played and watched demonstrations, that got our minds moving and thinking. We even watched a 45 minute Imax film about migration that was really interesting and had great detailed shots of butterflies and small crabs. For lunch, we ate at City Bakery, which was excellent, albeit expensive. I got an idea for another side dish: white bean salad. It is something I would have never thought to make, but tasted great! 

The next day I took the kids to Piestewa Peak in Phoenix, determined to climb the Summit Trail. It was marked moderate, but I thought, "With a little determination, we can do anything." Well, it was steep, rocky, crowded, long, and hot! And after many breaks, a few encouraging pep talks, a mile long trek, and an hour and 50 minutes, the kids gave out on me and we started back down...with only about 400 feet to the summit. It took us another hour and 30 minutes to get back down, but we were rewarded with great views and amazed remarks from other hikers that the kids had made it so far. When we got to the bottom, we were exhausted! It was great, though, to get out and get some exercise and sunshine. It was also a great relationship builder between the kids and I. Although, we sure missed daddy there to carry and drag us all along!

Today, we got an exciting oil change! Okay, it was uneventful and took all of 5 minutes, but it could have been exciting, if you use your imagination. Then we went swimming in the hotel pool, which was a pleasant temperature, and ate lunch at Jason's Deli (a great deal).

 Everyone here is all excited about the Super Bowl, and I'm pretty sure Chipotle was giving out free food to fans with t-shirts, since there was a line of about 300 people coming out their door, all bearing Cardinal t-shirts.

We head out tomorrow towards Denver, so I will keep you posted!