Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
I read a quote in a book yesterday that I thought was so completely pertinent in my life right now. this is from memory, so give me some grace:
A man cannot explore new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the familiar shore.
I feel like that is what I am having to do on a near constant basis right now. My love is leading me into this wonderful world of his, but it requires that I let go of the familiar shore of spirituality and religion. It’s seems so much easier to bind myself to a system of thought, rather than just living moment to moment opening my heart to Him. However, the more I open myself up, the more I discover about myself, the more free and wonderful I feel. It’s as though he is showing me just how wonderful I really am in truth, how he really sees me, and taking away all the lies I’ve believed about myself. It is the most rewarding thing I have ever done…yet, somehow, the difficulty in it blows me away. I guess it wouldn’t be very rewarding to cross a mullhill anyway (I mean where’s the drama in that?), while climbing Mount Everest would make me feel alive!
Well said! Leaving the familiar is not as easy as it looks, but when you do, you wounder why you didn't do it sooner. The reward far out ways the loss of the comforts of the familiar. Like a ship leaving the dock and out to sea where the land fades in the distance to where only open sky and deep blue ocean guides your path, to where we don't know, but one thing we do know, what is found is the reward of a great treasure that are only for the hearty fools and a reckless heart... lover's gold.
January 1, 2010
I want to love God, because to be without him would mean death to my very soul. It would collapse me from the inside out, because the despair would be too great. I want to love God because he touches me deeper than anyone else has ever touched me. Because his scent hypnotizes, his taste satisfies, and his touch reaches the very spot I need it to.
I do not want to love God because it is the right thing to do. I don’t want to love God for fear of disappointing him. I do not want to love God for fear of Hell. I do not want to love God so that I will not be evil. I do not want to love God because I will be judged by others if I do not.
I want to love my husband because something about him makes me come alive. I want to love him because his eyes draw me in, capturing my heart with their every passionate glance. I want to love him, because whether it be in a crowded room or in a room with just the two of us, he is the most interesting, the best looking, and the one with the most charisma. I want to love my husband, because if given the choice daily, I’d choose him over any other guy, no contest. I want to love him, because his hands are strong, his heart is soft, and his mind is genius.
I do not want to love my husband because I made a commitment to him. I do not want to love my husband for my children’s sake. I do not want to love my husband for fear of hurting his feelings. I do not want to love my husband because it’s the right thing to do.
And there is something 100 times more powerful about choosing to love purely because you want to, rather than loving for the sake of someone or something else.
This is a new discovery.
Perhaps one day Tara I will find a woman who will love like you do...a rare thing to find.
December 14, 2009
I thought about Ghandi today. How he said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” I used to view that as how I wanted others to act towards me. How I wanted the world to function. The system I thought everyone should follow. A religion, a government, kindness towards all, you know the drill.
But today, as I pondered what I’d like to see change in the world, I came to a completely different conclusion. The change I’d like to see is everyone free. Free to be who they were meant to be, before the opinions, theories, and ideas of all those around them changed them into who the world wanted them to be. I’d like to see people completely free to express their hearts, even if not another soul on the planet agrees. A people that can really love themselves. A people that can see the beauty in our differences and similarities. A people not afraid to expose their thoughts and desires. A people not afraid of other people’s opinions, strengths and weaknesses. Anger, joy, zealousness, peace, melancholy, happiness. What does your heart say right now in this moment?
So this is my journey towards being the change I want to see in this world. My journey of exposing my heart, no matter what’s in there. And hoping that somewhere along the lines, others will feel loved enough to do the same.
How about the admonition in Isaiah 51:12-15 where God says…Who are you that you fear mortal man and the sons of man that are but grass?…that you live in constant terror every day because of the wrath of the oppressor…who is this oppressor? I am the Lord your God…the Lord Almighty is his name…who say to Zion…’you are my people’!
We get so wrapped up in the terror’s of the world, and the opinions of others that we forget they are but dust, and the Lord is sooooo… much bigger than them!We’ve been made more than conquerors….let’s go out today with that attitude!
How about the admonition in Isaiah 51:12-15 where God says...Who are you that you fear mortal man and the sons of man that are but grass?...that you live in constant terror every day because of the wrath of the oppressor...who is this oppressor? I am the Lord your God...the Lord Almighty is his name...who say to Zion...'you are my people'!
We get so wrapped up in the terror's of the world, and the opinions of others that we forget they are but dust, and the Lord is sooooo... much bigger than them!
We've been made more than conquerors....let's go out today with that attitude!
December 14, 2009
A Child's Heart
My children are so innocent and wonderful! It has been raining here the last few days making for really soft, muddy dirt in the back yard. Naturally then, today they were out digging in it (two of them barefoot!*), when they discovered a “dinosaur bone.” It did look like a bone, but I’m thinking maybe some previous resident dog’s lost treat. They were so excited! Then they began to find other pieces, such as teeth and a small skull (rocks). My two oldest knew they were playing, but I think secretly hoping it was true that they could discover dinosaur bones. My youngest (5) was into the search, but in a calm, scientific way, as if it were his everyday job to discover such things. It’s amazing watching them. If only one could maintain their innocence, their self confidence, the sense in themselves that they can do anything, go anywhere, and love anybody. If only I could find a way to open their hearts forever, and never let another person close it up. Can I even live to that standard? That’s the way I want to be. That’s who I want to be. I want to see the wonderful beauty in all people. The part of them that has been buried from childhood when someone told them they were wrong for feeling or thinking the way they were meant to. To restore myself and those around me into their innocence. Wouldn’t that be beautiful?
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
I was in a garden with walls and high gates. I was happy there, for I knew nothing more. But the Lord came and dismantled the gates and tore down the walls. He said to me, “Roam where you want. Do whatever you please. Anything you want, is yours.”
At first I was overwhelmed. Where do I go? What do I do?
I began to explore and I found great food and joyful parties. I found large kingdoms and all the riches of the world.
I went deeper in and I found miracles, signs, and wonders. I saw worshippers of the Lord and people manifesting all His greatness. And I saw all that I could be, in all God’s glory.
Then I turned around and I saw my God. And all else became like dust and ash to me. It was lifeless and dull, and had a draw no longer. So, I ran to my God, my love, and I stayed with him. I communed with him. I laughed with Him. And I loved him. And He was well pleased, for I had chosen Him, and Him alone, in all my freedom.