Religion

When I look at people in other religions, I am not angry, but gracious. I am gracious because I can let go of the theology, and see their heart towards the Lord. I am not threatened by their religion because I am not afraid it will corrupt me, or even them. I believe the Lord is bigger than our religion. I believe each religion has pieces of God in it. I believe that if a person is seeking God, he will find God. I believe that if they keep their mind and heart open to Him, God will show them the way into His heart.

When I look at Christianity, I am threatened by it. It battles with me. It is too close to home. It still pulls me in and tricks me. It threatens me, so I rebel against it. I am timid in it’s presence and intimidated by those that run it. When a powerful church leader that has taught me so much about God, doesn’t agree with what the Lord is telling me, I doubt my ability to hear the Lord. I doubt what I have heard. I think maybe the Lord only meant it for me, or for a single season in my life. I just assume I am wrong, instead of listening to the voice of God. I don’t just hand them over to the Lord, like I do people in other religions, I try to convert them to my thinking, as this will appease my mind and illiminate the turmoil. Yet, that just makes me another religion. That’s what religion does, it tries to convert others to its singular way of thinking and is threatened by anything else. It is threatened by any other manifestation of God that it cannot comprehend. Lord, strip me of my religious spirit and make me a confident follower of you, and you alone.

It is time to grow up in the Lord. I am no longer a baby with a baby bottle. I am an adult and need to get out from under the wing of my parents (church authorities and leaders). I need to be subject to God and God alone. I hear His voice for myself and He is the ultimate authority over all. If someone disagrees with him, they are wrong. Period. End of discussion. 

-Tara

  

A Quick Taste

So much is going on with our family that it would be a very long blog to catch everyone up, so I will just tell you one story for now.

 For the past two weeks, I have been tormented at night by the enemy. Every time I am about to fall asleep, I get woken up. Almost as if someone were poking me. I have been able to sense that this was a spiritual thing and have been trying to figure it all out while half asleep. One night I even saw the demon that had been pestering me. I woke up and saw him in the corner. I screamed on the top of my lungs, much to the startling of my wonderful husband, and then I couldn't see him any longer, leaving me in more torment. 

So, having seen him, it was confirmed. Some might be wondering why I didn't just stand up and rebuke him. Well, I think I knew there was something to be learned. I kept asking the Spirit what it was. Last night I got my answer, finally! I was laying there, awake, and I thought, "Okay. If the enemy is coming against me, it means I have an equal and opposite blessing waiting for me."

That's when the Spirit spoke to me. She said, "I am going to give you dreams of the Kingdom of God."

Of course! That's why the enemy doesn't want me to go to sleep! I have had a handful of "God" dreams in the past, and they have been real breaking points for me spiritually. When the Lord gives us dreams, he can push us past our boxes, into His kingdom. I love dreams! 

So, after realizing this, I just smiled big. And I could almost feel the enemy lose heart, like the previously stated quote. I sat up and calmly said (much to my poor sleeping husbands surprise), "I understand now why you are here. Thank you, for now the Lord is going to give me dreams about His kingdom. I now rebuke you in the name of Jesus. Please leave."  

After that, I fell into a deep sleep and slept well until I needed to wake up. When I did wake up, I was fully rested, even though I did not get to bed until around 4AM. Before I had gone to sleep, I asked the Lord to make me rested, and so He came through. 

So, when I have a dream or dreams, I will be sure to post them, as I am believing the Lord for them. 

Until next post,

Tara

Grace

Two nights ago, I was exposed. I was like a volcano that had exploded. My top blown off and all my ugliness sprawled all over, completely unsheltered. As I walked around this mess, I knew there was no excuse to be made for it, no way to explain it away. There was no way to put it all back together. No way to hide it. There it all was, completely defenseless. Most of it had gone unrecognized by myself, unknown, until that night. I looked at it and was disgusted, ashamed. I wept bitterly, knowing it was all true, knowing I had not the power to change any of it. I couldn't even imagine it away. I knew there was meaning in this. I knew that I needed to see it. I knew that I was hideous and unlovable. I knew that in this state, I could not even ask for love. I didn't want to ask for it, because I had nothing to offer in return. I could promise nothing. I could not say that I would get better; that I would please in any way. All I could say was, " I am ugly." 

Then the Lord did something amazing, He looked straight at my ugliness, not denying it, and loved me anyway. He held me and loved me entirely in his own power and capacity to love, receiving nothing from me, and I was undeservedly safe. Completely accepted because of who God is, not because of who I am. It is unfathomable.

I have never understood grace like this before. Never know it to this capacity before. The Lord loved me in my shame, so I can do nothing to part from his love, nothing to un-deserve it, because I didn't deserve it to begin with.  In this, how can I not trust the Lord with my entire life, my entire being? He loves me more than I love myself. Even I was not willing to love such an ugly person, yet his love alone has made me beautiful. Therefore, the Lord may have my life to the fullest, for he has proven himself trustworthy.

-Tara  

My Book

I had it pointed out to me by a friend that I haven't added to my book. I just kind of built up the suspense and then stopped. Well, this prompted me to go back over it, and it has inspired me to add to it! The reason I stopped was I entered a time of digestion. The Lord started working and changing me, and I didn't know how to articulate it. However, now I can, so I will write more and post it. If you haven't read the first six chapters, click here to go to chapter one at the bottom of the page. Then, just click "newer posts" to read further on. There are six chapters total. Enjoy the drama! 

Interesting to think...

In writing about government freedom, I began to wonder if it paralleled spiritual freedom. So, I took a piece I had written and changed the context to spirituality and this is what I got. I think there's something to it. 

Here's what I wrote about government:

For a nation to be free, they have to hold themselves personally responsible and accountable, not relying on a government to make things good or right in their lives. This is harder to do than it sounds. They cannot allow government to justify their immorality because it is legal. They cannot allow traditions and routines to be their moral compass. They must do what is right, no matter the cost or hardship, in order to maintain their freedom.

Here's what it sounds like when the perspective is changed to spirituality:

For a believer to be free, they have to hold themselves personally responsible and accountable for relationship with the Father, not relying on the church to make things good or right in their lives. This is harder to do than it sounds. They cannot allow the church to justify their apathy because it is common. They can't allow traditions and routines to be their moral compass. They must seek relationship with the Father, no matter the cost or hardship, in order to maintain their freedom in the Lord. 

This is not about Heaven or Hell. This isn't about getting the Lord to love you, he already does. This is about opening your heart to a love that is so great and powerful, that it is worth every drop of sweat, every tear, and every mocking comment. It's about a love that will set you free from the curse of Eden. Free from the opinions of man. It is ours to have, but it will not be easy. Just like anyone in America can have prosperity, if they are willing to do what it takes, so an intimate relationship with the Lord can be any persons, if they are willing to do what it takes. The Lord asks us to let go of things we hold onto, to have faith and trust him, so he can offer us freedom. We are not required to do this, just as we are not required to do this in government, but our life will be better for it if we do.

    

The Day of Atonement

I find it extremely coincidental that on the Day of Atonement (today), I would feel the true cost sin has had upon the human race. My heart feels as though it would burst with grief from the constant separation from the Lord. I long for his return. I am tired of this Earth and all it's sin. I am tired of the constant struggle to find joy; the everlasting pain to stay connected with the Lord. I wonder if there will be ebbs and flows in heaven or if we will always be in perfect communion with our love. Whatever the case, there must be more than this. There must be a place safe from the enemy, where all we know is love. A place where there is no fear, no failure, just grace. A place where joy is everlasting and peace is normal. A place of truth. 

There is no such place here on Earth. There is no such place in this life. The Enemy will always contend. He will always hunt. He will live on in an ever present flowing force until the day the Lord destroys him forever. Is this why Jesus came? Is this what he is saving us from? Will he mend the brokenness while we are still here on Earth? Will he touch our hearts in an everlasting way? Or will he lead us on in a torturous relationship of coming and going? He comes and steals our heart and then leaves and allows the enemy to attack. What kind of lover is that? What kind of lover is that? 

Oh the day that my heart is free. That will be a day worth living for. Today is no such day.

Fully Loved

I am sad and confused right now. I was somewhat de-validated, if that's a word, about something I heard from God from someone I respect spiritually. I know the obvious thing would be to listen to God, but it brings doubts into my mind about whether or not I heard God right. This is very hard and discouraging. It makes me feel like I am so easily swayed. I hate feeling this way. I hate that I care so much about what other people think of me. I hate that other people's opinions sway me so much! Oh that the Lord would free me from this. I know that if I could be brought to a point of acceptance and understanding of His love and grace for me (real understanding where I not only know it with my head, but truly believe it in my heart), that I would be set free...free in Christ to live fully in His love. What a wonderful thing that would be. The thing I ask the Lord for almost daily is not money, or "security", or health, or acceptance by man. I ask Him for freedom! To live in freedom would be to release me from all the former and  allow me to live. To live not out of a need to exist, but out of a need to thrive, to love and to be fully expressed.